30/ 07/ 2015
As we speak,I’m sharing a bag of sriracha popcorn and a bar of odwalla protein snack with beautiful friend(s),this was preceded by that spur of a moment of “I want hard-boiled egg” which I had 2,cut them nicely in uniform pieces
I’m not OC,sprinkled with a random pocket of caesar salad dressing and 2 pockets of parmesan cheese I found in the counter which I presumed was free for everyone to guzzle (setting:not my home).
So this is me,I have an undiagnosed eating disorder characterized by hankering for both sweet and savory (blogger’s diagnosis).
Which makes me worship people who eats clean and are consistent.
Do I feel guilty for devouring fatty animal flesh (Ooh! sounds morbid) but sure I do,but only after a good gobble has been done (oops sorry but that liempo was too good to resist).
Do I look in the mirror then shake my head on my unwanted bra bulge?, it doesn’t happen all the time but I do (strangely though I don’t do that naked),maybe because I feel sexiest when I’m unadorned with clothes (but duh,naked means no bra,crazy).
Do I promise to do better after a “like there’s no tomorrow” consumption of chips and cheese cake?,of course I do.
Do I run to sweat to mediate the guilt between indulgence and moderation? Do I lift weights in between mantras of “I promise to eat better,no more chips no more sweets”?,of course I (on and off) do.
This is the normal cycle of my self-image (not distorted not perfect either),It bothered me for a while,but after embracing “ME” for what I can do and the dogma of “there’s more to life than the skin we’re in”,I learned to shrug off anything unwanted to this temporary self and learn to laugh at the inconsistencies attached to my pursuit of flatter abs.
Do I feel guilty because as we speak I still am munching on my popcorn and protein bar? maybe, but not to the extent of stopping this act right now,because tomorrow I promise to eat better and train harder.
P.S.That V neck shirt and big bowl of Pho made me look skinny,but I’m not-it’s just an optical illusion.
Thanx for visiting my blog,xoxo.